Wesley and Molly's wedding
Wesley and Molly's
married life was stormy, bringing a lot of suffering and separation
Odilon
Massolar Chaves
Copyright © 2024, Odilon Massolar Chaves
All rights reserved to the author.
It is allowed to read, copy and share for free
Article 184 of the Penal Code and Law 9610 of February
19, 1998.
Books published in the Wesleyan Library: 120
Address:https://bibliotecawesleyana.blogspot.com
Translator: Google
-----------------
Odilon Massolar Chaves is a retired Methodist pastor,
with a doctorate in Theology and History from the Methodist University of São
Paulo.
His thesis dealt with the Methodist revival in England
in the eighteenth century and its contribution as a paradigm for our days.
He was editor of the official Methodist newspaper and
coordinator of the Theology Course.
He is a writer, poet and youtuber.
All glory be to the Lord
Rio de Janeiro - Brazil
"His
thirty-year relationship with Mary Vazeille, widow of a wealthy merchant, has
caused intense emotional and psychological pain for both him and her."[1]
Table of Contents
·
Introduction
·
Wesley's Thoughts on Marriage
·
Wesley's relationships
·
The origin of Mary Vazeille
·
A Hasty Marriage
·
Carlos Wesley and Molly's relationship
·
Jealousy and Separation
·
Comments on Wesley's Marriage
·
Wesley loved his wife
·
Wesley's difficulties
Introduction
"Wesley and
Molly's Marriage" is a book that deals with Wesley's relationship with
Mary Vazeille, also known as "Molly".
It was a
relationship that started wrong because it was accomplished in just eight days
of dating.
"His
thirty-year relationship with Mary Vazeille, widow of a wealthy merchant, has
caused intense emotional and psychological pain for both him and her."[2]
Wesley was 47
years old and Molly 41 years old when they married. She was a wealthy widow
with four grown children whose merchant husband had died four years earlier.
They agreed that
all of their assets would go to their children.
The big issue was
Wesley's constant travels and his affectionate attention to everyone, including
women.
Molly's jealousy
and distrust were great.
"Their
relationship was stormy. She was jealous of Wesley's time traveling, and was
furious at his correspondence with women. He made the mistake of telling her
that she could open and read all the letters that came to him. She went with
him on several of his preaching missions and was unhappy with the conditions
they had to endure. In fact, she destroyed part of Wesley's diary." [3]
"One day, a
visiting pastor knocked on Wesley's door. She opened up, revealing John on the
floor with Mary dragging him by her long hair." [4]
"She left him several times, but
came back. Finally, she left again and John said, "I didn't ask her to
leave, but I'm not going to ask her to come back." They were married for
20 tumultuous years and separated by 10. He returned from one of his preaching
missions to learn that Molly had died and been buried."[5]
Methodist
theologian Kenneth Collins divided the relationship of Wesley and his wife
based on correspondence:
"1) From June
1750 to April 1752 (Excessive Affection and the Work of the Lord); 2) From May
1752 to August 1764 (Distrust, Jealousy and Stolen Letters); 3) September 1764
to August 1774 (The Growing Gap); and 4) From September 1774 to October 1781 (Final
Departure)".[6]
But both Molly and
Wesley said they loved each other.
The Author
Wesley's Thoughts on Marriage
There was a
maturation and evolution of Wesley's thinking in relation to marriage.
Let's see what he
himself said.
Saturday, February
2, 1751. "Having received a full answer from Mr. P, I was plainly
convinced that I ought to marry. For many years I remained unmarried, for I
believed that I might be more useful in a single than in a married state; and I
praise God who enabled me to do so. I now fully believed it in my present. I
might be more useful in a married state; which, with this clear conviction, and
on the advice of my friends, I entered a few days later."[7]
About Staying Single
Wesley even
defended celibacy when writing about Thoughts of a Single Life where he extols
the examples of Jesus and Paul.[8]
But in his diary,
Wednesday, February 6, 1751, Wesley said, "I knew the unmarried men, and
showed them how good it was for those who had received this gift from God to
remain 'single for the kingdom of heaven,' unless a particular case may
constitute an exception to the general rule."[9]
About getting married
When Wesley speaks
of having received a "full answer from Mr. P," he is referring to
Vincent Perronet or simply Mr. Perronet (1693-1785), who was the one who had a
great influence on the marriage of Charles Wesley and Sally, by convincing
Sally's parents that Charles Wesley and Wesley were respectable and dignified
people, fulfilling their duties.
In April 1748,
Charles Wesley consulted him about his intention to marry Sally Gwynn, and in
1782 referred to him as the "Archbishop of the Methodists". [10]
Wesley regarded
him as a venerable man of great holiness. Wesley wrote in his diary of December
9, 1784: "Going to Shoreham, we find that venerable man, Mr. Perronet,
ninety-one years of age, calmly awaiting the conclusion of a good war. His
bodily strength is gone, but his understanding is little impaired, and he seems
to have more love than ever."[11]
Perronet was
instrumental in the marriage of Charles Wesley and Sally and as Wesley's
advisor to his decision to marry Mary Vazielle. "Mary Vazeille was
introduced to John Wesley in 1751 by an unusual friend named Vincent
Perronet."[12]
Some of
Wesley's relationships in the sentimental area with women have turned out to be
a real failure.
In Georgia, in his
volunteer missionary work, Wesley met and fell in love with Sophy Hopkey, the
niece of the chief magistrate of Savannah.
"Wesley was in love and would like to
marry Sophy, but was torn apart by conflicts between love, duty, notions about
the value of celibacy, and more..."[13]
This attitude left
Sophy confused and she ended up marrying Williamson, an important person in
Savannah.
"In her role
as pastor of Hopkey, it appears that Wesley advised her not to marry because of
her spiritual growth. When he did, Wesley felt a duty to rebuke her and refused
to serve her fellowship. Her new husband filed a complaint, and Wesley's reputation
was tarnished. Before things escalated too much, Wesley boarded a boat back to
England."[14]
The end of John
Wesley's sentimental relationship with Sophy Hopkey and her hasty marriage to
Williamson were disastrous for the life of the man and parish priest John
Wesley.
The discovery that
she had a secret double behavior and her lack of penance, led Wesley to exclude
her from communion. This was considered an affront by William Williamson,
Sophy's husband, who made a series of accusations to the Savannah grand jury
against Wesley.[15]
Thomas Causton, Sophy's tutor and chief
magistrate, formed a jury and indicted Wesley on ten counts. To him, Wesley was
a bad character:
“(...) a malicious
hypocrite, a seducer, a traitor to my trust, an egregious liar and dissembler,
bent on keeping married women away from affections for their husbands, a
drunkard, the owner of a brothel, admitting prostitutes (...)."[16]
Wesley secretly
left the colony in December 1737 with bitterness and disappointment before any
trial was held.[17]
With Graça Murray
Wesley thought
about becoming single, but one day he changed his mind and became interested in
Grace Murray, a widow who was a governess in an orphanage.[18]
Grace Murray
(1716-1803) was born in Newcastle, England. At the age of eighteen she went to
London to work as a maid. She married a young Scottish sailor whose family was
bankrupt.
Grace lost the
baby and was greatly distraught. She attended a Methodist service at the
Foundry in London, despite her husband's opposition. She remained steadfast.
The first sermon she heard from Wesley, in 1740, profoundly influenced her mind
and heart.
Earnestly John
Wesley asked, "Is there any one here who has a true desire to be
saved?" Mrs. Murray says, "My heart said, Yes, I do." She took
possession of the promises.
In 1742, her
husband drowned at sea. Grace returned to her home in Newcastle and to the
Methodists. Wesley appointed her to oversee the Orphan House in Newcastle in
1743.
She was skilled,
firm, efficient, and caring. She was young, beautiful, and well-educated.
Wesley was charmed
by Grace and told her, "If I ever get married, I think you'll be the
one!" Wesley made plans to travel to Yorkshire. Grace, not wanting to part
with him so quickly, persuaded him to let her go with him.
Grace ministered
to the sick and the aged. She had a hundred members in her classes of the
society she instructed. She visited the surrounding villages to read and pray
with the inhabitants. At Wesley's request she cared for one of the invalid
Methodist preachers in the Orphans' House, but then left and went to spend six
months in London, returned to the Home, and again left for some personal
complaint.
She was a pioneer
in the preaching work and as a class leader.
In the fall of
1745, she returned to her duties at the Home. She visited the sick, attended to
the needs of the country societies, and was the nurse of Wesley's itinerants,
who often felt ill because of exposure and overwork. There was a time when she
had seven preachers as patients, one of whom was John Bennett, who was under
her care for six long months.
Wesley praised her
as a woman who was "unweariedly patient and inexpressibly tender; quick,
clean, and skilful; of an engaging demeanor and of a mild, cheerful, and yet
serious temperament; while, at last, her gifts of usefulness were like those he
saw no equal."
In August 1748,
Wesley became very ill and Grace Murray cared for him. Wesley was forty-five
years old and Grace thirty-two years old when he decided to make her his wife.
When he suggested marriage, she replied, "This is a great blessing to me.
I cannot tell you how to believe it. That is all I could desire under
heaven."
At his request,
Wesley took her with him through the counties of York and Derby, where Grace
was very useful, both to him and to the societies. Wesley spoke of her as
"being his right hand." Like the itinerant Methodists of those days,
she traveled on horseback.
During her tour of
the North, Grace Murray remained in Bolton for some time. In April 1749, she
accompanied Wesley on an evangelistic tour of Ireland. For three months, she
was his constant companion. She examined all the women in the smaller
societies, established the female cells, visited the sick, and prayed with the
penitents. She acted as a monitor in such a way that Wesley's esteem and
affection increased daily.
In the city of
Dublin they entered into a solemn marriage engagement. She travelled with John
Wesley to Bristol, London, and Newcastle. For five months they hardly parted
from each other.
John Bennett
(1714-1759) met Wesley at Epworth and told him that Grace Murray had sent him
all the correspondence that Wesley had written to her.
Apparently, Wesley
considered Grace to be his fiancée. It appears that Grace had not interpreted
Wesley's expression of love as proof of an engagement and thus maintained her
correspondence with John Bennett.
John Wesley wrote
to his brother Charles about his desire to marry. His brother rebuked him and
sought to change Wesley's desire for concern about the direction of
Methodism.
Charles Wesley
travelled to Hindley Hill, where Grace was staying, and convinced her that
marrying her brother would be a disaster for Methodism. Charles accompanied her
back to Newcastle and persuaded her to marry immediately another friend of his,
John Bennett. Unbeknownst to Wesley and at Charles' insistence, in 1749, John
Bennett and Grace Murray were married.
After some
slanderous comments and criticism from Bennett against Wesley, he reacted in a
private letter to Bennett: "(...) I loved above all on earth and totally
designed for my wife. To this woman you proposed marriage, without my knowledge
or consent... You wrote to me that you would not take another step without my
consent, but... you tore her from me... "I think you have made me the
deepest wrong I can receive from this side of the grave. But I spare you"
(...).
John Wesley was
disappointed and told his brother that he had never suffered so much since he
was 6 years old. He saw her in Leeds on the third day after her marriage, and
did not see her again until the year 1788. On April 3, 1752, John Bennett broke
away from Wesleyan Methodism. He died in 1759 at the age of forty-five. Grace
then went to Chapel-en-le-Frith with her children. Once again she joined
Methodism and conducted a weekly class meeting in her own home.
One of her sons
became the minister of the Pavement Chapel at Moorfields. In the year 1788,
when she visited her son in London, Thomas Olivers, Wesley's preacher, told him
that Grace would like to see him once more.
For thirty years,
Wesley had not mentioned her name.
Wesley decided to
visit her and preserved more than his usual self-control. The conversation did
not last long. Wesley was never seen to mention her name again.
Grace Murray was a
remarkable woman—a class leader and pioneer preacher within the early Methodist
movement.
She died
peacefully on February 23, 1803, at the age of 89.[19]
The origin of Mary Vazeille
Mary Vazielle was
born in 1710 in Wandsworth, London, Greater London, England.
She was the
daughter of Ambrose Goldhawk and Margaret Goldhawk and had four siblings.[20]
She was also known
as "Molly". She was a maid.
Molly was also a
Methodist.
At the age of 41,
she married Anthony Vazeille, a wealthy
merchant, with whom she had 4 children: John Anthony Vazeille; James Vazeille; Jane Jeanne Vazeille; Charles Vazeille and Noah Vazeille.[21]
Molly's
husband died in 1747. They were descendants of Huguenots[22], "and
it was through contact with Huguenot Methodists in London that Sally and
Charles met her." [23]
A widow, she later
married John Wesley at the age of 41, in 1751.According to Wesley, Molly had an
obedient but sick daughter. One of her sons died. Another son was "a
painful cross". [24]
Wesley thought
that the third would probably also be a cross.
Molly was
defrauded of a lot of money. [25]
When Charles
Wesley met her, he described her as a woman of sorrow of spirit.[26]
She died in 1781
and was buried in St. Giles Churchyard, London.
When Molly died on
October 8, 1781, "she left John a 'golden ring of mourning, in token that
I die of love and friendship for him.'"[27]
Wesley
demonstrated and wrote that he loved her.
But why didn't
this marriage work out?
A
Hasty Marriage
"I
admire his tireless industry, his exacting frugality, his unusual cleanliness,
and the cleanliness of both his person, his clothes, and all the things around
him."
In
the summer of 1750, Wesley wrote to Molly "to cement their relationship.
John Wesley began to think of Mary as the woman who would protect him from the
distractions of the society around him, he would write, "I admire her
tireless industry, her exacting frugality, her unusual cleanliness, and the
cleanliness both of her person, her clothes, and all things around her."[28]
Slipping
"On
February 10, 1751, John Wesley slipped on the ice at London Bridge, and injured
his ankle so badly that his next sermons had to be delivered sitting or
kneeling. He chose to convalesce in the home of a widow, Mary (or Molly, as she
was called) Vazeille. In little more than a week, they were married."[29]
Wesley
received support
"He
received sympathy from Vincent Perronet [q. v.], and it was Perronet who
persuaded him that he should marry. Having arrived at this condemnation on
February 2, 1750-1, he lost no time in acting on it. His choice was Mary
Vazeille, a lady seven years younger than him, originally a maid, now widow of
Anthony Vazeille (d. 1747), a London merchant, with a fortune of 3,000l., in
half of which she had only a life interest." [30]
Who
was Vicente Perronet?
Vincent
Perronet (1693-1785) was the son of a Swiss father. Vincent was born in London
in 1693.
'He
was a scholarly child, educated at St. Bees School in Cumbria and at Queen's
College, Oxford, graduating BA in 1718 and MA at Cambridge in 1724. From 1719
he was curator of Sundridge and from 1728 vicar ofShoreham (Kent),where he encountered opposition
for much of his term."[31]
Introduced to John Wesley in 1744, Vincent
invited John and Charles Wesley in 1746 to his parish.
In
his diary, Wesley wrote on August 14, 1744: "Mr. Piers rode with me to
Shoreham, and introduced me to Mr. Perronet. I hope to have cause of blessing
to God forever for the acquaintance initiated at this day."[32]
Charles
and Wesley relied on Perronet's advice and support.
He
attended the Conference of 1747 and John Wesley addressed
to him his Simple Account of the People Called Methodist.
After
the death of his wife Charity in 1763, it was a Methodist society formally
established in Shoreham.
"Known
as much for great holiness of life as for his erudition, he published pamphlets
defending Locke's Essay on Human Understanding against the criticisms of Joseph Butler and Isaac Watts. Confined to
his home for severe rheumatism from 1778, he died at Shoreham on 8/9 May
1785." [33]
"His
funeral sermon was preached by Charles Wesley on May 14 of Psalm 37:37. John
Wesley gives a detailed account of his last hours in his diary of May 7."[34]
"Your
younger sons,EduardoeCarlos,They were both Methodist
preachers for a time. His granddaughter Elizabeth Briggs was the daughter ofWilliam Briggs, one of the firstWesley's butlers(1753-1759) andA Class Leaderin theFoundery.”[35]
Molly
had four children, the youngest (Noah) under the age of five.
Charles
Wesley had known her through Edward Perronet, and had been her guest; of the
departure he 'never had the slightest suspicion' (C. Wesley, Diary, ii. 78). On
February 9, a marriage agreement was executed, securing Mrs. Vazeille's estate
for her exclusive use. [36]
On
Sunday, Wesley sprained his ankle and "spent the rest of the week"
under Vazeille's roof on Threadneedle Street, "in part writing a Hebrew
grammar." [37]
Wesley
recorded his accident
On 4
March he was still unable to walk (he preached on his knees), but on 18 or 19
February he married Mrs. Vazeille (it is said, by Charles Manning, vicar of
Hayes, Middlesex), his brother Charles being "one of the last who heard of
his unhappy marriage" (ib. ii. 79). Moore speaks of Mrs. Wesley as
"well qualified" for the office; she agreed that her husband should
not relax any of his labors, and for four years generally accompanied him on
his travels, travelling with him on his second visit to Scotland in 1753".
[38]
On
February 2, 1751, at the age of 48, Wesley argued the reason for his marriage:
"For many years I remained single, thinking that I might be more useful as
a bachelor than as a married man. And I praise God who has helped me to live
thus. I am now fully convinced that in my present circumstances I may be more
useful in the married state."[39]
Carlos
Wesley and Molly's relationship
Took
Mrs. Vazeille and Sally
Charles
Wesley and Sally met Molly before she married Wesley. Charles and Sally were
married on 8 April 1749.
"Molly
(Mary) Vazeille's husband died in 1747. They were both descendants of
Huguenots, and it was through contact with Huguenot Methodists in London that
Sally and Charles met her." [40]
On Saturday,
May 26, 1749, Charles said, "Our brother Watson met us with a chaise, and
took Mrs. Vazeille and Sally to M. Keech's inEvesham, at
noon. Mr. Waller and I passed them. I preached with life and liberty."[41]
Traveling
with Molly
On
May 15, 1750, Charles travelled with Molly "to Sally's family home at
Ludlow. They gave the stranger 'all the civility and love they could show: and
she seemed equally pleased with them.' At the end of the month, Charles, Sally,
Mrs. Vazeille, and a few others proceeded to London. As soon as they arrived in
the city, Sally and Charles spent eight or nine days at Mrs. Vazeille's house
in Threadneedle Street."[42]
Charles
cried with Wesley as he decided to marry
"I
withdrew to cry with my faithful Sally"
On
Saturday, February 2, 1751, "my brother, who had returned from Oxford,
sent for him and told me that he was determined to marry!" [43] said
Charles.
His
reaction was, "I was shocked, and could only answer, he had given me the
first blow, and his marriage would come as the coup de grace. Trusty lied
Pertenet followed, and told me, the person was Mrs. Vazeille! one of whom I had
never had the slightest suspicion. I refused her company to the chapel, and
retired to weep with my faithful Sally. I groaned all day, and several
following, under my own burden and that of the people. I could not eat pleasant
food, nor preach, nor rest, neither night nor day," [44]
said Carlos.
Fights
with Carlos
"Charles
Wesley (John Wesley's brother) with traces of unconscious humour gives an idea
of this unfortunate woman's ability to quarrel. She said: "Two minutes
before the preaching I visited Mrs. Wesley at the Foundry and in all this time
we have not had a single quarrel." [45]
Accused
of laziness
"Charles
was once, for a moment, touched outside the bounds of his philosophy. This
woman was accustomed to accuse him of laziness; but one day in a more
malevolent spirit than usual, she declared to him that for years her dear Sally
had been her brother's lover!" [46]
Pulling
Wesley's hair out
"The
preacher John Hampson reported that, on one occasion, when he suddenly entered
the office where Wesley and his wife were, he found her overcome with a fit of
anger so great that she held in her hand a handful of hair torn from her
husband's head." [47]
Envy
of Charles Wesley
"Mrs.
Wesley resented her husband's deeply emotional relationship with her brother
and was deeply envious of John's close ties with his favorite preachers."[48]
Jealousy
and Separation
Wesley
began to have serious difficulties with his wife, who was very jealous.
"All
her qualities were, in fact, eclipsed by one great defect: she was very
jealous. Unable to understand the nature and elevation of her husband's
character, nor the purity of his motives, she allowed herself to be carried
away by her misguided imagination until she conceived the most absurd and
outrageous suspicions. Dominated by preconceived ideas, she sometimes followed
him to a distance of 100 miles to see him enter a city and find out what kind
of company he was carrying along the way."[49]
On
Wednesday, January 23, 1771, his wife abandoned him.
Wesley
said:
"- Why I do not know to this day,
[Wesley's wife] left for Newcastle,
proposing 'never to return'. Non cam reliqui: non dimisi: non revocabo—[I did
not abandon her: I did not send her away: I will not remember her.]".[50]
His
wife Mary Vazeille left him after thirty years of marriage. She was angry and
very jealous of Wesley's constant travels.
"Mary
Vazeille was introduced to John Wesley in 1751 by an unusual friend named
Vincent Perronet. Vazeille was a widow, mother of four children, well off
financially, and seemed to have the qualities that should adorn a pastor's
wife. The marriage was quickly arranged, and was performed 15 days after it was
arranged. Vazeille lived to the year 1781, and during those thirty years was to
her husband the embodiment of a constant storm."[51]
Wesley
was 68 years old when she abandoned him.
Unhealthy
jealousy
Within
a month of the wedding, the favorite topic of this remarkable woman was to talk
about the faults of her great husband."[52]
"Dominated
by preconceived ideas, she would sometimes follow him to a distance of 100
miles to see him enter a town and find out what kind of company he was carrying
along the way. She would open his letters, examine his private papers,
sometimes giving them to his enemies in the hope of censuring his
character." [53]
Foaming
with fury
What
Methodist preacher John Hampson saw is notorious among Methodists. He
"went into a room and found Mrs. Wesley foaming with fury. Her husband was
on the floor where she was chasing him by the hair of his head; and she herself
still held in her hand venerable locks which she had plucked out by the
roots."[54]
Wesley
did not marry again. Certainly, some did not think it was a loss, but a
release.
"One
description reads as follows: "She [John's wife] took her husband's
papers, interpolated his letters, and then delivered them into the hands of her
enemies or published them in the newspapers."[55]
Faced
with this situation, Wesley immediately thought of revising his will. He said:
"Friday, the 25th. - I have revised and transcribed my will, stating as
simply, as clearly, and as briefly as I could, nothing more and nothing more,
but 'what I would have done with the worldly goods I leave behind.'"[56]
Non
revocabo
Wesley's
well-known 'non revocabo' (I won't remember) on 23 January 1771, when she left
him to live in Newcastle with her daughter who married a Methodist preacher,
was not the end of Wesley and Molly's contact.
But
they lived together five more years. "In July, 1772, she returned, took
part in her missionary work, and did not abandon it until 1776. She is then
accused of publishing distorted portions of her letters to injure her character
(Tyerman, iii. 233)." [57]
Mourning
Gold Ring
"She
died October 8, 1781, and was buried in the churchyard of St. Giles's church,
Camberwell; her tombstone disappeared, the widened road now passes over her
grave. By her will (dated September 4, 1779), she left Wesley a 'golden ring of
mourning, in token that I die of love and friendship for him.'" [58]
His
marriage involved the renunciation (1 June 1751) of his brotherhood; of his
society he never received more than 30L. a year and part of his own".[59]
The
marriage ended on January 23, 1771, when she left the house. Wesley was 68
years old.
Although
he loved her, he declared:
"Today,
I don't know why, she left for Newcastle with the intention of never returning.
Non eam reliqui; nom dismasi; non recabo." [60]
Molly,
however, would later return and then leave for good.
Some
scholars claim that Wesley was precipitated into his marriage to Molly
Vazeille.[61]
Some
theologians and historians do not spare Wesley's wife either.
"Wesley,
no doubt, was a somewhat difficult husband! His character and habits were
already fixed: he travelled incessantly; his life had no private thing. The
woman married to Wesley might well feel as if she were tied to the tail of a
comet. Yet Wesley was a man of invincible patience, of boundless kindness, and
possessed the depths of feeling which a true woman could easily have gained.
But his wife was no better than a human gnat. Her business was to sting."[62]
In
one of his letters to her, Wesley said: "God has used many means to
overwhelm your rebellious will, and to break the impetuosity of your violent
character. . . . Are you now more humble, more docile, more patient, and more
peaceable than before? I fear it is the contrary; I greatly fear that your
natural temper is getting worse and worse, instead of improving. Oh, be careful
lest God give you up to the lust of your heart, and condemn you to be guided by
your own fancy! (...)”.[63]
After
this sentimental experience, Wesley remained alone until the end of his life.
Some
historians find it difficult to understand how Wesley was so incapable of
developing a lasting relationship with a woman.[64]
Methodist
historian Richard Heitzenhater believes that the fact that Wesley lived to be
four years old, that is, his first years of life, only with his sisters,
because there was only a boy left at home, helped Wesley later to have a
willingness to accept the abilities of women's leadership by allowing them to
preach.[65]
In
the sentimental relationship the same did not happen.
Methodist
theologian and historian Duncan A. Reily, in his article "John Wesley and
the Children" for Walking magazine, said:
"Wesley showed real affection for Charles' nephews, sons, as well as his wife's daughter (Mary Vazeille), whom he treated as a true daughter, along with her family." [66]
Wesley
loved his wife
"My
body is getting stronger and stronger - and so is my love for you"
It
is notorious that Wesley loved his wife Molly.
We
can see this love in his letters written to Molly.
On
March 4, 1751, "Wesley could not yet walk, but set out anyway on horseback
for Bristol, where he invited many of his traveling itinerant preachers to a
conference on March 11. That same day, he wrote to Molly, 'My body is growing
stronger—and so is my love for you. God grant that it never goes beyond your
will! Oh, that we may always continue to love one another as Christ has loved
us!" [67]
"My
dear love, I don't know how to spend a day anywhere without writing a few
lines"
"My
dear love, I do not know how to spend a day anywhere without writing a few
lines," he wrote to Molly on April 2, 1751. [68]
Wesley
said that his absence increased his affection for Molly.
"I
feel you every day closer to my heart. Oh, may God continue your unspeakable
gift!" [69]
And
Wesley asks that the two may have "daily increase in faith, zeal,
gentleness, and tender love for one another!"[70]
However,
three months after the wedding, Wesley noticed his wife's jealousy.
They
managed to normalize the relationship, however, the difficulties in the
relationship constantly returned.
Wesley's
Letter to His Wife Molly
"You
have caused me so much inconvenience, but not so many that I cannot forgive
you. I still love you and am as clean from other women as the day I was
born."
Wesley
wrote to Molly, "My dear Molly, the past is enough. Evil, however, can
have a remedy. You have caused me many inconveniences, but not so many that I
cannot forgive you. I still love you and am as clean from other women as the
day I was born. Finally, know yourself. I cannot be your enemy, but let me be
your friend. Do not arouse suspicion against me, nor slander me again, nor
provoke me any more. Do not strive again for dominion, power, money, or praise.
Be content to be a private, insignificant person, known and loved by God and
me. Do not pretend to deprive me of the freedom that belongs to me by divine
and human laws. Let God and my own conscience direct me. Then I will rule you
with gentleness and make you see that I love you as deeply as Christ loves his
Church." (Letter from John Wesley to his wife)" [71]
Wesley
and Molly traveling together
"We
rode (my wife and I) to Northallerton"
On
Monday, May 12, 1754, Wesley wrote in his diary: "We rode (my wife and I)
to Northallerton.[72]
Traveling
because of Molly's illness
"Hearing
that my wife was dangerously ill, I took chaise immediately"
On
Sunday, August 4, 1768, Wesley learned that his wife was ill and traveled by
night. "Hearing that my wife was dangerously ill, I took chaise at once,
and arrived at the Shipwreck before one o'clock in the morning." [73]
Wesley
records that it was enough for him to arrive and Molly's fever was over.
"Finding
her, the fever turned and the danger was over," [74] he
said.
He
then subsequently left and travelled to a Conference, of which he was the chief
leader. He went in the afternoon "(not at all tired) to Bristol. Our
Conference began on Tuesday, and ended on Friday, the 19th," [75] he
said.
She
loved her granddaughters
"His
last reference to her (in a letter of July 25, 1788) is not impolite. The
children of his married daughter are mentioned in his will as "my dear
granddaughters."[76]
Wesley's
tenderness
One of Charles Wesley's biographers, Jackson, states that John Wesley's letters to his wife show "the greatest tenderness of affection, such as few female hearts could have resisted; and to justify the opinion that, if it had been his happiness to marry a person who was worthy of him, he might have been one of the most affectionate husbands who ever lived. Those who think he was constitutionally cold and repulsive completely deceive his character."
Wesley's
difficulties
Certainly,
there was an influence from the remarkable coexistence of childhood and the
memories he inherited from his family.
In
the early years of Wesley's life it was just him with his mother and sisters.
His father was always very absent. Certainly, all of this greatly influenced
Wesley in his view of marriage.
To
John Wesley, every woman was a portrait of her mother.
"In
1743 John Wesley published a treatise entitled 'Thoughts on Marriage and the
Celibate Life,' which might almost have been written by an ascetic and
convinced Roman Catholic. Celibacy, he taught, though it was not of imperative
and universal obligation; yet to him it was a higher state than marriage.
Marriage was a concession to human weakness, and was to be postponed in all
cases as long as possible, and absolutely rejected where there was grace enough
for it to be done. When Charles and John Wesley returned from Georgia in
America, they made a covenant, each pledging himself not to marry without the
consent of the other."[77]
But
theory is one thing, and human nature is another. Wesley agreed to make
concessions. "In June, 1748, we held the Conference in London. Several
brethren then objected to the "Thoughts on Marriage and the Celibate
Life," and in full and friendly debate, convinced me that a believer could
marry without suffering injury to his soul."[78]
Wesley's
relationships didn't work out either because Wesley had the Kingdom of God
almost 100% first. There wasn't much room for a wife.
In
Georgia it was like this when he was between the desire to marry Miss Hopkey
and the guilt of thinking that it would hinder his sanctification and
dedication to the Kingdom of God. He decided not to get involved.
Wesley
also did not understand that women thought differently from him in relation to
being dedicated to the Kingdom of God and not to his wife. With Graça Murray it
was like that.
She
was disappointed and married another. Wesley was thinking of marrying her.
"A
week after I proposed marriage to him, Wesley had to begin a preaching tour;
before doing this, he told Grace Murray that he was convinced that God intended
her to be his wife. She then protested that she 'could not bear to be left
behind in this way,' and Wesley took her as a helper in his services. When he
arrived at Bennet's circuit, he left Grace Murray there entirely unaware of the
relations between the two. Within a week Bennet wrote to Wesley, asking him to
marry Grace Murray, and with his letter came another from Grace Murray saying
that she believed it was God's will that she should marry—not Wesley—but
Bennet!"[79]
Wesley
married lame
As
for Mary or Molly Vazielle, their marriage can be considered a terrible
accident. Wesley was injured and was cared for by her. In 8 days he was
married.
"The
accident occurred on the 10th of February, 1751. On the 17th of February he was
taken to the Foundry, and preached on his knees, not being able to stand. The
next day, the 18th of February, 1751, still lame, he married the widow
Vazielle."[80]
We
can say that Wesley had his habits very dynamic and lived on a missionary trip
leaving his wife very alone. But marrying lame seems to be a sign. He lived
lame, always in his marriage to Mary Vazielle.
Ultimately,
Wesley chose to live the rest of his life serving the Lord alone.
[1] John Wesley's relationship with his wife as revealed in his correspondence. Kenneth J. Collins. Methodist History (Vol. 32, Issue 1). Publisher: United Methodist Church, General Commission on Archives and History, October 1993.
[2] John Wesley's relationship with his wife as revealed in his correspondence. Kenneth J. Collins. Methodist History (Vol. 32, Issue 1). Publisher: United Methodist Church, General Commission on Archives and History, October 1993.
[3]https://www.sgaumc.org/newsdetail/john-wesley-s-wife-molly-vazelle-12501941.
John Wesley's wife, Molly Vazelle. DAVE HANSON
[4] Ditto.
[5] Ditto.
[6] John Wesley's
relationship with his wife as revealed in his correspondence. Kenneth J. Collins. Methodist History (Vol. 32, Issue 1).
Publisher: United Methodist Church, General Commission on Archives and History,
October 1993.
[7]Wesley, his own
historian.
https://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/moa/AGV9079.0001.001?rgn=main;view=fulltext.Wesley,
his own historian. Cincinnati: Hitchcock and Walden. 1870.
[8] LELIÈVRE, Mateo. João Wesley - Sua vida e
obra. São Paulo: Editora Vida, 1997, p.194.
[9] Wesley, his own
historian.
https://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/moa/AGV9079.0001.001?rgn=main;view=fulltext.Wesley,
his own historian. Cincinnati: Hitchcock and Walden. 1870.
[10]
https://dmbi.online/index.php?do=app.entry&id=207
[11] Ditto.
[12]
https://cafeebonslivros.home.blog/ 10/10/2015/the-wife-of-john-wesley-2/
[13] Reasonable
Enthusiast: John Wesley and Henry D. Rack's Rise of Methodism; http://www.umc.org/what-we-believe/need-love-advice-dont-ask-john-wesley
[14] Ditto.
[15]HEITZENHATER, Richard
P., Wesley and the People Called Methodist, Editeo-Pastoral Bennett, 1996, p.69-0.
[16] Ibid., p. 69-0.
[17] Ibidem, p.71.
[18] Ibidem, p.195.
[19] Search the following
sites: http://www.mymethodisthistory.org.uk/page/john_bennett
https://www.ccel.org/ccel/wesley/journal.v.html
http://ukwells.org/wells/grace-murray-john-wesley
https://lexloiz.wordpress.com/2010/03/08/john-wesley-tries-to-find-his-future-wife/
John Pollock, Wesley, Hodder,
ch. 21.
[20] https://www.myheritage.com.br/
names/mary_vazeille
[21]
https://www.geni.com/eople/Mary-Vazeille-Wesley/6000000020319.632771
[22]"Every follower of the
Protestant religion in France was called Huguenot . They were mostly Calvinists (they believed in the teachings of John Calvin) and members of the Reformed Church. The origin of
the term is credited to
French Catholics, who would have created it based on the name of Besançon
Hugues, a Swiss religious leader. For most of the sixteenth century, the
Huguenots were the target of fierce persecution, which culminated in religious
civil wars."
https://www.infoescola.com/religiao/huguenotes/.
[23]
https://touchstonecanada.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Jan-2008-profile.pdf
[24] Ditto.
[25] Ditto.
[26]
https://archive.wfn.org/1998/11/msg00155.html
[27] https://touchstonecanada.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Jan-2008-profile.pdf
[28]
https://wesleyexperience.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/mary-wesley-not-the-best-marriage/.
(Hattersley 2002, p. 242).
[29]
https://scriptoriumdaily.com/today-wesley-fell-for-his-wife-molly-1751/
[30]
https://www.sgaumc.org/newsdetail/john-wesley-s-wife-molly-vazelle-12501941.
John Wesley's wife, Molly Vazelle. DAVE HANSON
[31]
https://dmbi.online/index.php?do=app.entry&id=207
[32] Ditto.
[33]
https://dmbi.online/index.php?do=app.entry&id=207
[34] Ditto.
[35] Ditto.
[36]
https://www.sgaumc.org/newsdetail/john-wesley-s-wife-molly-vazelle-12501941.
John Wesley's wife, Molly Vazelle. DAVE HANSON
[37] https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Page:Dictionary_of_National_Biography_volume_60.djvu/315
[38] Ditto.
[39] WESLEY, João. Excerpts from the Diary of John Wesley. São Paulo: Methodist Press, 1965, p.212.
[40] https://touchstonecanada.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Jan-2008-profile.pdf
[41]https://wesleyscholar.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/Journal-vol-2-1849.pdf, p.72
[42]
https://touchstonecanada.ca/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/Jan-2008-profile.pdf
[45]
https://cafeebonslivros.home.blog/2015/10/10/a-esposa-de-joao-wesley-2/
[46] Ditto.
[47] Ditto.
[48]
https://wesleyexperience.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/mary-wesley-not-the-best-marriage/
[49] Ibidem, p.195-6.
[50] https://www.visionofbritain.org.uk/travellers/J_Wesley/16
[51] https://cafeebonslivros.home.blog/2015/10/10a-esposa-de-joao-wesley-2/
[52] Ditto.
[53]
https://cafeebonslivros.home.blog/2015/10/10/a-esposa-de-joao-wesley-2/
[54]
https://wesleyexperience.wordpress.com/2013/06/26/mary-wesley-not-the-best-marriage/
[55]
https://truediscipleship.com/methodist-church-history/
[56]
https://www.visionofbritain.org.uk/travellers/J_Wesley/16
[57]
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Page:Dictionary_of_National_Biography_volume_60.djvu/315
[58]
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Page:Dictionary_of_National_Biography_volume_60.djvu/315
[59] Ditto.
[60] LELIÈVRE, Mateo. João Wesley - Sua vida e obra. São Paulo: Editora
Vida, 1997, p.197.
[61] https://www.myheritage.com.br/names/mary_vazeille
[62] Ditto.
[64] HEITZENHATER, Richard
P., Wesley and the People Called Methodist, Editeo-Pastoral Bennett, 1996, p.26.
[65] Ibidem.
[66] Ditto.
[67] https://archive.wfn.org/1998/11/msg00155.html
[68] https://archive.wfn.org/1998/11/msg00155.html
[69] Ditto.
[70] Ditto.
[72] Wesley, his own
historian.
https://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/moa/AGV9079.0001.001?rgn=main;view=fulltext.Wesley,
his own historian. Cincinnati: Hitchcock and Walden. 1870.
[73] Ditto.
[74] Wesley, his own
historian.
https://quod.lib.umich.edu/m/moa/AGV9079.0001.001?rgn=main;view=fulltext.Wesley,
his own historian. Cincinnati: Hitchcock and Walden. 1870.
[75] Ditto.
[76]
https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Page:Dictionary_of_National_Biography_volume_60.djvu/315
[77]
http://www.metodistavilaisabel.org.br/artigosepublicacoes/descricaocolunas.asp?Numero=1777
[78] Ditto.
[79]
http://www.metodistavilaisabel.org.br/artigosepublicacoes/descricaocolunas.asp?Numero=1777
[80] Ditto.
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